It won’t stop reminding me how much it wants me to go back, to enjoy it’s heat, food, culture and exciting opportunities. I can try to explain myself to people but I’m ‘more of a typer than a talker’ someone recently said to me. I hope this post will help others to understand my choices and thought processes.
I wake up and think about it, I have a hot shower wishing it was humid enough for me to need a cold one, I go to work and sit in my cubicle desk wishing I was in Singapore – doing a job I loved and was good at, I come home from work and look at my current cluttery ‘home’ and think “I want rid. I want tiled floors and a simple life”. Going back to Toronto offers tiled floors and a holiday by the pool with my family – but it’s not Singapore.
Here’s the thing. It’s possible. All I have to do is actually do it. Not for anyone but me.
Currently playing on my ipod is Tiestos Kaleidoscope -‘Knock you out”. Last time I played it I was sitting in the warmth of Changi Beach Club, watching tankers float by and thinking to myself “remember this moment, remember it when you are back at your desk and miserable as hell”. Well.. Here at I am at my desk, miserable and remembering the simple pleasure of bare feet, palm trees and possibility of a new life. It’s comforting.
Every time I leave BC I come back and get miserable. I’ve been 12 years. That tells me something.
I used to think about things A LOT before making any bold moves. I hated the unexpected and unknown. It now excites me.
Questioning my moves hasn’t got me far it seems. I’m still doing an office job that simply occupies my day, making just enough to get by, paying endless taxes, fighting to make it anywhere in a city that beats you down if you aren’t rich enough to buy your way into its good books. I’m tired. I’m tired of the same routine.
Don’t get me wrong, Vancouver and Toronto will always be seen as my homes and fond memories/life experience but I think it’s time for a change. Time to stop wasting my young years and get on with it. Everyone dreams of a life that’s a holiday and I know it’s not possible (until you retire or get rich) but I can at least do what I can to make my lifestyle more worthwhile. I’m tired of hearing myself and others say when they come back from a trip “I wish I was still there”.
Well… Why don’t you go back?”
A friend of mine is going back to Singapore/Malaysia in June for 2 months and my heart hurts thinking about it – I am so envious.
It’s that kind of hurt that stops you in your tracks and leaves you feeling sad enough to want to hide in a dark hole and cry.
I’ve lived in Vancouver for 8 years. I’ve only been to Nanaimo, Victoria (Vancouver Island) and only as far as Hope. I’ve been snowboarding once and the sea wall in the summer time that drives me nuts with tourists who can’t read signs. I don’t go to the beaches (meat markets and too crowded). I don’t make the right kind of money to enjoy the city.
I’m learning to enjoy the even smaller things in life as I’ve got older. I’ve also learnt that sometimes, you just have to go for it and stop beating yourself up over the reasons why you shouldn’t do the things you want to do.
Sam is in the same place as me. He also craves more out of life and to go back to his roots. I’m guessing Roux the dog is none the wiser.
We are young (as people keep telling us), have no ties here to hold us back, open doors to Singapore and an understanding of the reality that it won’t all be fun and easy (reality). Why shouldn’t we move? I can’t think of any sensible reason why not and I’m certainly not about to spend my days looking for one that isn’t already obvious and of large concern. Singapore is winning in terms of reasons TO move. Sorry Canada.
I am also not going to go on about what Singapore has (defend my actions) and why it’s a great place to try as a new home. Google it.
I worry about how my parents would react but then I have to remind myself – they picked up and moved to Canada from the UK and dealt with the difficulties (family upset etc.) and 12 years on, are happy and looking to retire to a tropical paradise. They will understand. Right?
I see them once a year maybe twice at a push when I travel back to Ontario. Living in Singapore would be a longer flight but they would have a reason to travel to Asia and see more of the world. I hope to expand their horizons and culinary experiences as a bonus. While I may be on the other side of the world, I am still only a plane ride away, and nothing is permanent.
It seems like I’ve made up my mind doesn’t it. I vaguely remember writing a post about wanting to be in paradise, well… I think I fixed that one.
With that decided, it means a lot of things to do before then – 3 weeks in the UK, a trip back to Ontario and a lot of paper work (immigration – which route to take). I want to make the most of my last summer here in Canada, avoiding Vancouver beaches obviously.
While I like doing things for myself, It’s time to accept all the help (and any winning lottery tickets) I can get. It’s a big move.
Singapore here I come.
*update – Mum took it ok. Very supportive. A huge weight off my mind. Thanks for being awesome parents.
